Sunday 5 June 2011

ALEX TURNER IS THE ONLY MEMBER OF THE ARCTIC MONKEYS I CAN IDENTIFY, SAYS ALEX TURNER

“I can recognise Alex easily,” explained Alex. “He’s the one what sings and goes out with that fit bird Alexa Chung. The other members though… I mean, if the bass player from the Arctic Monkeys were to walk past you in the street, would you know who he was? I wouldn’t.”

Chris Martin suffers from a similar affliction and, as a solution, insists that during rehearsal all the other members of Coldplay must wear brightly coloured name-hats. Martin himself wears an elaborate golden crown which his wife Gwyneth Paltrow claims to have crafted herself but, like her books, didn’t.

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